Changes

Things are changing in our little world. First of all our little world is no longer little. Nina started working again and ZiXuan is going to the creche 3 times a week, starting yesterday. This widened our worlds from just our house to more places. How did we adjust to this, read on and you will find out.

Creche
ZiXuan went to the creche for a full day yesterday. From 8 to 17.15, for the first time a full day. Nina brought him and she told me, that when they went in ZiXuan went to a crate of toys, immediately. When Nina was about to go away, ZiXuan noticed and started to crawl in her direction. When Nina went away he started to cry, which made Nina feel horrible.

We know from 4 trial runs at the creche that he takes well to being there. He loves to play by himself. When they go outside, weather permitting, he enjoys walking a lot. Up the little hill, down the little hill and up again. He also likes to play in the sand and with the water. The only "issue" we had so far is the fact that he doesn't want to sleep much at the creche. So all in all we think he likes it there.

Bonding (hechting)
To explain about bonding read this article in English, or here in Dutch. You can see that the bonding is very important between all children and parents, but especially so for adopted children. If you read about it on the internet, you can only find the horror stories of how it can go (awfully) wrong. So we were well prepared for the worst situation, we thought.

Well we were not prepared for the worst, we find out now having been with ZiXuan for over 3 months. Not that it goes wrong with him or the relationship between him and us, but to get it right is hard work. We didn't take things for granted and we are really trying hard to give him all the love we can and give him the space, tools and freedom to develop our relationship.

We think we are on the right track and we do get confirmation from all kinds of people; from our families (offcourse), from the doctors we see and from the people at the creche. This is very nice to hear and gives us even more spirit to keep working hard on the bonding.

Medical stuff
In the Netherlands there is an option, which enables you to have your adopted child medically screened. It is not mandatory (but it should be) to do so, but we decided that we would have ZiXuan screened. Fortunately our Medical Insurance covers everything, so we don't have to worry about the finances.

I have written before about this ordeal in previous chapter and even wrote about the first results coming in. But now all results are back. Everything is fine, no problems discovered. The only thing is that his shots against mumps (Bof) and Dyfteria (Dyfterie) need to be done again. Unfortunately that means that ZiXuan will have to get two shots and maybe even blood drawn again to see if it worked out fine. This is something we don't look forward to.

Now there are three organisations involved in getting those two shots. The hospital, which did the medical screening, the Child Care Center and the Ministry of Health (RIVM). As it is not clear to us how things are organised we asked the doctor to get in touch with the ministry and involve the Child Care Center (CCC).

At the CCC the doctor said that she is amazed about what she heared from me. She thinks ZiXuan is developing in a rapid speed and she can clearly see the bonding between my son and I is on the right track. She said, that she figures, that I should be proud of him, which I am offcourse. She decided that he will not follow the special program for children and that we only have to go back, when he is 2 and 3 and 4. She even said, that considering his background, ZiXuan is developing normally like an avarage Dutch child !!!

Walking
Today another milestone has been achieved by our little champion. When you see the olympics and look carefully at the 100 meter sprint, you see something unbelievable. Such speed, such souplesse, such power. Well let me tell you, that is nothing compared to what ZiXuan achieved today........ His first two steps on his own, without help of his parents. He stood up by himself and walked two steps by himself. Incredible, especially when you figure he did this on our bed, of which the surface is not as steady as the floor. We are so proud of him.

And Nina and I
Well all this rapid developments, all this medical mumbojumbo and the fact that we have to leave ZiXuan 3x a week at a creche gives us mixed emotions and feelings. We both know it is the best we can do in our situation, but that does not mean we are 100% comfortable with the situation. But like ZiXuan is learning, we are learning as well to deal with this new situation and deal with the new emotions going with it.

Where to begin

Lots has happened over the last couple of days. To write about everything would be too much, so I only write the important stuff.

Results Medical Examination
Last Monday, we went to the hospital near our place. We would be informed about the results of the medical tests. We hardly sat down and the doctor started to inform us, that the results, which have come back are very good. Not all bloodwork has returned, but those, which have come back give a very good feeling. ZiXuan does not have any illnesses, is immunized against HEP B and Scarlett fever. According to the results, it appears that he is immunized very well and probably against all childhood diseases. But that will be certain if we get all bloodwork results back. That will be on the 30Th. The scans, echoes and what have you, which have been taken of ZiXuan, were good as well. No abnormalities in the heart and kidneys. What the doctor told us about his right hand came as no surprise and was exactly as we expected. So all in all we are extremely happy.

Creche
Wednesday ZiXuan went to the Creche (children's day care). Just to get used to the idea of being around the kids and carers and not being around daddy and mummy. I took him to the creche and we stayed for an hour. What I saw was very good. He did not interact with the kids, but he did not hide from them. In fact, when one of them came to close, he pushed him away. Suddenly one of the children started to cry because he had fallen. I started to comfort him as Tammy, the carer, was busy with a ten months old baby. When the crying boy went to Tammy (as she put the baby somewhere safe), ZiXuan immediately went to me and started to hug me, as to say "You are my daddy, you may only hug me!"...... Today (Friday), Nina went to the creche with ZiXuan and stayed for three hours. She was asked (beforehand) to be away for half an hour, just so that ZiXuan gets used to the idea of being away from mum and dad. Nina was not very happy to leave ZiXuan, especially as he started to use his fake "I am going to cry" look. But in the end he did not cry. Apparently he did wave a lot in the direction of where Nina left the room, when Nina had allready left. Afterwards they had lunch together with all the kids, and he behaved himself well. So these are good things, but it is still tough on daddy and mummy.......

Speech Therapy
On Thursday, when daddy went to the dentist for part II of the root canal treatment, ZiXuan and Nina went to the speech therapist. She will help us, help ZiXuan to talk. She gave Nina a couple of pointers how to commence something like this. At least all pre-conditions have been met for him to start talking (which we know, because he can say papa, mama and bah [yuck]). One of the pointers to get him to bite properly and suck through a straw is to stuck a piece of bread (with butter and jam) to his inner cheek. Apparently this automatically makes him chew....we will find out if this works. Next week Wednesday the speech therapist is coming to our home to give us more pointers.

Fever
When we all returned home, Nina felt that ZiXuan was feeling very warm, so we took his temperature and we saw the device indicating 39.8 c, which is too high for a kid (even for an adult it is too high). We also noticed, that he did not feel like doing anything, eating anything, nor driking anything, which is very odd for him. We gave him a little bit of paracetamol and this help bring down his fever. But later on it went over 40. This morning he woke up with 37.1 which is excellent. I must admit both Nina and I felt a bit worried, even when the receptionist of our doctor's office said not to worry and come back when ZiXuan has 40+ for over three days, we still were worried. When the fever came down, ZiXuan became more lively again, which was a relieve to us.

ZiXuan at the hospital, waiting for the results.
ZiXuan at the creche.
ZiXuan watching television.

Having fun and not having fun

Over the last couple of weeks ZiXuan has developed into a lovely adorable, cute, handsome and sweet boy..... well actually he allready was that, but I just wanted to be a proud dad and state the obvious.

We have been going through all kinds of medical tests with ZiXuan. We had to take his poo and pee to the hospital, had blood drawn, had scans made of his skeleton and an ultrasound of his kidneys. Monday the 16th we hope to get the results. The doctor in charge has adviced us to go to a speech therapist as well as a physiotherapist to help him start to talk and walk, as he is kinda late with doing that. Or is he ?

Next to that he has learned a couple of new things. He has learned how to hug and cuddle. He is more confident in pointing out who his mummy and daddy are. He learned new gestures, that go along with children's songs.

But the most important of all he has learned is that it is great fun to play with Nina and myself. The newest game he discovered is the "Ik ga je pakken !!"-game (I am going to get you). Where he crawls away from us, stops, turns around with a big smile on his face and I say out loud "Ik ga je pakken !!". He then fastly crawls away laughing very loudly, as you can see in these two video's:

Exhausting and emotional day

05 juli 2012 was a very very exhausting and emotional day, for us all.

In the morning I had to go to the dentist, for a rootcanal treatment, as in 4 sessions, the dentist will put a crown on my molar. As I am slightly fobic about dentists and the work they do, I had a headache, was nerveous and felt sick. But fortunately the treatment was 30 mins and I felt no pain, the only problem was me swallowing some bleach, which made my throat sore the whole day.

The nervousness was not only for me going to the dentist, but also for us going to the hospital with ZiXuan. We needed to get blood drawn as part of the adoption screening. Based on his bloodwork, we can determine which shots he needs to get to get immunized for the regular children's deceases. But also based on that we know about the general health of our littly boy.

Both Nina and I dreaded this day. We know it is all for the benefit of ZiXuan, but still it wouldn't be a nice experience, seeing people poking needles to get blood in our son.

But all in all we must say that we are very proud of ZiXuan. Even though he cried most of the part, he did not cry out of frustration, nor did he put up a fight. He was crying in a irritated way as to saying, what are you doing and why can't I get my hand back.

They drew 10 small tubes of blood....did not know so much blood could be drawn....;o)
After this experiencxe Nina could start the soothing and calming of ZiXuan. She took him in her arms and carried him outside of the building and he stopped crying. Within 5 minutes he was relaxed and even started to make some happier noises. Even the nurses said, that they tought that he was remarkable and a very good looking boy.

41 days

It has been 41 days since we returned to the Netherlands. quite a lot has happened in those 41 days. Too much to mention, but I will give a try to mention it.

We returned on the 24th of May 2012, which was a Thursday. Lots of friends and family had come to schiphol to welcome us. It was heartwarming to see, that people travelled for over 90 minutes to come and see us. We all had a drink at the airport and proud as we are we introduced ZiXuan to everyone.

When we returned home, we saw that our hous was decorated with all kinds of lovely banners, flags, parrots, fake flowers and stuff. It was great to see. My mother, sister and niece had really done their best.

Well, and then you are back home and have to pick up 'normal' life again. Which is hard, because we had no clue what normal life is. Now we think we have pieced it all together, what normal life is, but you can never be 100% sure.

Sleeping
Nina and I had one week leave left in which we tried our best to make ZiXuan feel as comfortable as possible. We took turns in sleeping in ZiXuan's room for about 2 weeks and then decided it was time for him to take a big step and sleep alone in his room. This went well for a couple of days, but then he woke up at 4.30 in the morning fully awake. Fortunately we set up a bed every night (even though we did not use it most of the time), just in case. So one of us who was on 'duty' went downstairs and stayed downstairs to sleep there. Over the last few weeks ZiXuan has surprised us by not waking up so many times (used to be 3 to 4 times a night), over the last week he slept through to 6.00 am or wakes up 1 time a night. This is quite an achievement and makes us very happy.

Eating
It seemed that Congee (Riceporridge) was the only food ZiXuan wanted to eat. If we tried anything else he simply refused to open his mouth, or he just spat it out. Over the course of the three weeks in China he did eat some bread and some weet-bixporridge, but still not much else. So at first we thought it would be a real struggle to get him to eat our food. But in the last 41 days he has only refused to drink real mint tea, anything else we put near his mouth, went nicely into his mouth directly to his stomach. We tried all kinds of food. He even likes fish, much to his daddy's disliking.......

Playing
ZiXuan did not know how to play, when we were in China. We feel he never had learnt how to play, we even feel he was never stimulated by anyone in the orphanage. So we have to take it upon us to teach him how to play. And over the last 41 days he is gradually improving on his playing skills. He can sit by himself for about 10-15 minutes and play with all kinds of toys, but after that he will seek for Nina or myself and we need to entertain him. He loves playing with cars, balls and climbing on anything and everything.

Walking
ZiXuan loves to walk. I think it is his favourite thing to do. He loves it so much, that Nina and I get sore backs from benging over to help him walk. ZiXuan can walk perfectly as long as he has some kind of support. Nina or I help him by reaching out with a finger, or he helps himself by holding on to the table or the bars alongside our staircases. Nina and I both feel that ZiXuan can walk by himself without any form of support, but he lacks the confidence to do so. If we only can teach him to have the confidence......

Talking and understanding Dutch
ZiXuan can say Papa and Mama (daddy and mummy) in Dutch. He understands when we say no, sometimes he pretends he does not know what the word means, but we can see in his eyes that he does understand....... When we ask where is papa or where is mama, he looks and points in the right direction. When we ask where is the ball, he looks around and points in the right direction, when we say go get the ball, he immediately goes to the ball.

Bonding
This is the most important part of adoption. Bonding, means that ZiXuan needs to accept us as dad and mum. He needs to feel that he is secure with us, that he can trust us and that he feels safe with us. We feel that gradually we are going strong in the right direction. We have still got a long way to go, but we feel confident in the way we go forward. When we went to an open day of the child-daycare (pre-kindergarten), one of the people working there wanted to hold him, but he did not want to and turned his back to the lady. This is a good sign of him attaching himself to us. We still have a long way to go, but this was a good sign. We are fortunate both of us, that ZiXuan wants to spend equal time with Nina as well as with myself. He is not only focussing on one of us. He is equally sharing his time with Nina as well as with me.

It is a long road to go......

Blog had been moved to zixuanrulkens.waarbenjij.nu due to Chinese censorship.

We have arrived at the hotel

We have 'survived' the flight from Amsterdam to Beijing. We arrived 15 mins ahead of schedule. The setting of the seats in the Airbus 330 is in such a way that there is little room for us 'tall' europeans to sit comfortable during this night flight. We left at 20.55 and flew for 9 1/2 hours. During those hours I closed my eyes for an hour, but could not sleep. Fortunately Nina could get some shut eye, even if it was not much.

Arriving at the gate we got out of the plane and walked a mile and a half to go to the customs area, where we had to fill in a paper, which we had to hand in to the customer officer. He took a picture of each individual, by means of a digital camera. From there we walked to the luggage carousel to get our luggage (wouldn't you have guessed that?).

When we all got our luggage we went through the nothing to declare lane and saw that all the Chinese people had to scan their bags and the European people, could walk through without hassle.

After this we met our guide and helper in need Eric (his English name, as I can't pronounce his authentic Chinese name). He took us to the van and after trying to fit in all the luggage as well as the people into the van, the driver took us to the hotel in about 30 mins.

Now we are sitting in our room with wifi, working on the laptop and Nina is sleeping. I just realised I had not packed our webcam in, so I need to find a way to get hold of one.

In the mean time you can enjoy some pictures from yesterday and today.

These where taken yesterday at Schiphol:

And this one today at Beijing International Airport:

As you can see, the two litle girs (4 & 8) have bonded together allready !